Feb 26 - Our African Wedding

For those of you that don’t know, our trip to South Africa was to include a traditional African wedding. As Lungi’s South African family was unable to attend our wedding in Montreal, they wanted to hold a traditional wedding for us in their home town, Langa. We knew that they had planned a celebration but we never even imagined that it would be as big and elaborate as it was. The celebration started the night before when we came to Sita’s house to greet all the family and community members that had come to help prepare food for the wedding. We arrived at the house and were greeted by at least 20 women singing, hooting and dancing. Lungi helped to cut some vegetables and I introduced myself to the sheep that I was to slaughter the following day.

The slaughtering of the sheep is done as a gesture to me, the groom, and has various meanings; a sacrifice to god to bless our union and the spilling of fresh blood to represent a fresh start to our marriage. We stayed with Lungi’s grandmother in Langa on Friday night so that we could get an early start on the wedding day. Sleeping in the townships is very different from where we have been staying; dogs bark all night, people are yling, music is playing and it’s just an overall noisy place. To make things worse, the sheep was tied up just outside our window and we knew that it would be slaughterd in just a few hours. It kept us awake all night pushing its water bowl around and making little sheep noises that sounded like wimpers asking to be spared. Lungi cried every time she heard it make a noise and as asked me continuously to untie him and free him in the night.

Unfortunately this was not his destiny; I was woken up at 6:45 am by Lungi’s father who told me to come outside and hold the squirming sheep down as a senior family member decapitated him in front of my eyes. The process was brutal, bloody and difficult to take part in but tradition is tradition and I was committed to following through (anyone interested in some rather graphic pics can email me and I’ll send them separately). While this was going on, Lungi distracted herself by making traditional African beer – we’re not sure how it’s made but it tastes awful but definitely gets you wasted.  

The ceremony started with Lungi and I each in separate rooms. The elder male family members stayed with me while the women helped Lungi prepare.  There must have been about 50 people (family members and close friends) packed into the living room when we entered. We sat on bamboo mats at the center of the room, surrounded by people singing, chanting and praying. We were blessed by the elder family members and the spirits of those who are not with us any longer. It was truly moving and emotional event as so many people who we have never met came to bless us. The vibe in the room was so powerful and emotional. It took over our bodies and minds and created a natural high – a very surreal experience.  

After the ceremony we moved to a hall at the church where we were once again greeted with singing and music. We were seated on a stage in front of 200 people from the community who all wanted to take part in this rare occasion (a mixed colour traditional wedding in addition to Lungi being the first grandchild to marry). The party was incredible – a lot of food (including the sheep I slaughtered a few hours earlier), drinking, singing, music, speeches, dancing. Lungi did an excellent job speaking in front of 200 people. The party was also a surreal experience and I am sure we will never take part in something so extraordinary in our lives again. We ended the celebration back at Sita’s house to say a blessing over a glass of whisky which I had presented to the elders as a gift (also a Xhosa tradition).

 

 

 

 

It is truly impossible to describe with words the atmosphere, sounds, smells and feelings that we have been so fortunate to experience. The day was a remarkable experience that we will never forget. The generosity, love and warmth of this community and these people is not seen in our American culture. For the most part these they have so little yet they give whatever they can and will not accept anything in return other than our happiness. The only thing that could have made this day better would be to have all of you here to experience it with us.